What's Going to Be?

Neighbor: What's your daughter going to be when she graduates?
　　Mother: An old lady!

　　　　　　　

I Hope So

Neighbor: Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?
　　Father: I hope so. He certainly can't make a living by kissing girls!

What Would You Do?

Son: Mum, if someone broke your best vase what would you do?
　　Mum: I'd spank him and send him to bed without any supper!
　　Son: Well, you'd better get the slipper. Dad's just broken it!

　　　　　　　　　
I Thought You Were Out

Mum: Horace, why are you crying?
　　Horace: I've hurt my finger, Mum.
　　Mum: When did you do that?
　　Horace: Half an hour ago.
　　Mum: I didn't hear you crying then.
　　Horace: No, I thought you were out.

　　　　　　　　　
Sharing the Apples

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. "Share them with your sister," she said.
　　So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started tucking into the large one.
　　"Cor!" said his sister, "If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself."
　　"Well," said Harry, "that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?"